Dear 2021, you and I got off to a real bad start. 2020 had knocked the breath out of me and took me all the way down with one last punch on December 30th. New Year’s Eve, I was overcome with emotions and not my usual partying self. I apologize for that. It wasn’t your fault, you had nothing to do with 2020’s cruelty, heartbreak, the pandemic or the Hell that was unleashed. I should’ve celebrated you 100% and given you a chance.
Welp, here we are 4 months into this relationship and as if all of the crazy things going on weren’t enough, you just delivered a hard blow. You took away another person I love and this one 2021, THIS loss makes me extremely angry. Why 2021? Why this one? Why is it death keeps coming for those who treat me with kindness? Why is the “light” being removed from my life, allowing the darkness to grow? I’m so confused 2021. You were supposed to be better than 2020. People were counting on you.
I am not close to many people. I know LOTS of people, but there is a huge difference between knowing people and being LOVED by people. I can be in a room full of people and feel alone, unloved and judged. I have very few people in my life who make me feel completely loved. Not judged and not beneath, they only make me feel loved, accepted and wanted. I hope that is the way I make other people feel. I always want to make people feel loved, accepted and wanted. Even the people who betray me and hurt me, I show them love. I look beyond their behavior, I see the person underneath and I love them.
You got me good 2021! Wow. I’m gonna need a moment. I will allow myself to be in the “anger stage” this weekend. I will get “chip faced” (eat lots of junk/sugar and drink drinks I shouldn’t). I will allow myself to grieve. Come Monday, I will pick myself up by my bra straps and start over once again.
I have no idea what the next 8 months will look like. I have no idea what else you have up your pretty little sleeve. What I do know is that God is GOOD. One of my favorite preachers says, “God is absolutely good!”. I will remember that, I will find the good and I will point it out. I will try to be “Jesus” to other people, no matter how much suffering, pain and heartbreak that you 2021 seem to be determined to cause. As long as I am here on earth, I will continue to celebrate people and I will continue to throw around kindness like confetti.
“For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.” ~ Psalm 100:5
“Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” ~ Psalm 34:8
Amazed By His Grace,