“Brokenness is a perfume that pride cannot produce.”
Hello, my beautiful friends and readers! 🤗 I hope you all had a fantastic week and if summer has arrived where you live, I hope you are staying cool. 😎
I wasn’t feeling very well last Sunday. 😔 I didn’t have much of an appetite and DollFace was worried about me. My sweet son-in-law brought me mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC. They were the only things that sounded good to me. I ate the whole family size bowl all by myself. 😬
I just haven’t felt well at all. I got a really bad headache that went on and on. 3 days in fact. I’m trying to just deal and keep moving.
DollFace and I decided to have our weekly “Girl’s Night” a little early so she could spend Saturday with her Hubby. We picked up our usual pizza and she got me some kind of cold coffee drink with… CHOCOLATE. It was yummy! We went back to my house and binge watched some of our naughty shows (usually soaps, bachelorette…etc) while we ate. Then we did our manicures and pedicures. 💅🏼 I stayed awake long enough this week!!! Maybe it was the coffee drink? I did a new red color with sparkles that my Man wanted me to try. It turned out really pretty and I was surprised. I like it more than I thought I would. DollFace painted sissy’s princess pink. So pretty. Then, she painted her own a new matte blue color. Very cool! She loves dark/metallic/neon colors. They suit her. We also made time this week to play in the pool before it got way too hot. I REALLY hate summer here.
I got to see my father this week. 😊 I like to take him out to breakfast once a month when he can go. He LOVES sausage and egg biscuits. Both of my girls got to have breakfast with him this time as well. My youngest daughter is out of school for the summer and she loved seeing my dad. After we eat breakfast, we go grocery shopping. Eating before we go helps us to not become the proud owners of aisle #5. 😬😛
My pain, anxiety and headaches have been so bad that I found myself withdrawing from life at times this week and taking lots of medicine. I hate taking medicine. It’s hard to function when your body says, “Enough” and stops you in your tracks. 😭 I still make myself get things done and do what I gotta do.
It’s not easy being broken mentally and physically. It’s not easy to accept what will never be. It’s not easy to get over some things in life. We have to though. We have to keep going. We have to keep loving like we’ve never been hurt. It’s a process… a long one. Some people make it look easy. Not me. I struggle everyday, I seek help and am desperate to heal. I’m trying to find the purpose in the pain. I’m trying to deal with the aftermath of my life choices and other people’s choices. I found a new guy I like to listen to on YouTube and he motivates me. If you find yourself in a place like me, YouTube has been a good tool to find motivational speakers. I also like to listen to sermons. I love Pastor Jentezen Franklin. If he’s too intense, there is always Joel Osteen. 😉 Anything that helps is fine. Motivational talks or sermons, I put things like that on in the background and listen to them on my tablet while I do dishes/clean/fold laundry.
I didn’t get to see my man much at all. He has been pretty much unavailable physically most days this week and I was in my “pain/headache/anxiety cocoon”. It is weeks like this that I feel like we are worlds apart. He text me all the time, but I just don’t have much to say. My mind has so many things running through it, but I can’t manage to put it into words for him it seems. I freeze. I let him be. I withdraw. Why he loves me, why he text me all day, why he calls and says, “I just needed to hear your voice…” I honestly have no idea. I’ve never had a man love me like that. Sometimes, I don’t know how to react. He’s so… intense. Good or bad, he is the most intense Man. He is also the only man who tries to put me back together when I fall apart. Sometimes, I need his intensity to remind me who I am and bring me back to life. I hope our schedules line up soon. I need to spend some quality time letting him love me like only he can do. Sigh… he’s too good at that.
The song this week, I dedicate to him…
“Sometimes when I fall down low
And I got no where else to go
I hide myself, don’t let it show
But you find me
Sometimes when the day goes by
I’ve missed it ’cause all I did was cry
You always know the reason why
You know me
You always got the words that never let me down, let me down
Always make me laugh somehow
You tell me don’t worry When I’ve done wrong
It’s something that I’ll never know
How you can love someone so broken, so right?
‘Cause all I ever wanted, was a little bit of Paradise”
~ Broken ( Lyrics) – Jess Glynne
I didn’t get much writing in at all. I did get one tag finished: June | Honor Thy Father Tag
Maybe I can get more done this week. I hope you all have a fantastic week! I love you guys. 💋 God bless you. 💕
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” ~ Psalm 51:17
Amazed By His Grace,