Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Thirteen

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Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime.”

 

I was unsure if Mr. Bodyguard (my husband) would be there for the birth and I needed a back up. I reached out to my mother. She went to Lamaze class with me and he also showed up. I was trying to focus and it was awkward seeing my husband who was so distant. After class, I went to the bathroom and he disappeared. My mother told me that he had been looking at another pregnant woman in my class. That made me feel very sad. After the cabin incident, they didn’t get along as well as before and she would accuse him of talking to other women. My husband denied talking to other women and he was upset she had accused him of that. When he worked late, she would question if he was really at work. One night, I went with both of my parents to check on him at work. There he was, just like he said… working. He even showed us around the huge building he worked in. He was actually a good man who took his job seriously. I always admired his ambition and how he made himself invaluable to any company he worked for. He was amazing. After awhile, the constant comments and questions from my mother began to make me doubt it was me he really wanted. Unless you know something for sure, you should NEVER say a word. If you WANT to destroy a marriage, plant seeds of doubt. They will grow and eventually take over the whole garden.

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One day, my husband called to tell me he was going to come by and pick up some stuff. He left a message on my home answering machine. I was right down the street visiting with my grandparents at their house and I called home to check my messages. I became very upset. I wanted him to come home, I wanted to be with my husband. I hated it every time he left. I decided he could have his stuff… ALL of his stuff. Several of my family members went home with me and we got his stuff ready, put in bags, and set on the front porch. When he got there, he walked into the living room and was ticked. Supposedly, he had come to pick up “some things” not “ALL” of his things. On top of that, he also had wanted to talk to me. Now, he wasn’t gonna talk to me and he was getting out of there. I remember him giving me $100 that day. It was the only money I ever remember him giving me my entire pregnancy. I was floored. I was so upset, I had no idea he was going to FINALLY talk to me and that he was giving me money. I have no idea what he was going to tell me. I will never know. He was furious after he saw his things in bags on the porch and a living room filled with my unhappy family members. Usually, I was all alone when he came by. Not this time, I was mad. I was in no mood to talk to him. How dare he leave me a phone message like that and not tell me he wanted to talk or that he wanted to give me a little money for food or something I needed? He could just get his stuff and leave. I wasn’t playing with him anymore.

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Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash

 

Seeing the look on his face and watching him walk out the door was horrible. It was one of the worst moments of my life. I messed up. I was wrong. He went out to the garage and the next thing I knew, he was in an argument with my father. It was a mess. As I sat there on the couch watching this happen out the window, my Aunt (the ONLY person who tried to talk some sense into me that day) and I began to talk. I explained to her that I didn’t know where he had been. I was tired of him leaving me repeatedly and never knowing when or IF he was coming home. It was killing me inside, but I had to let him go. She looked at me and said something to the effect of, “You don’t know where ANY man has been.” Her words were the only words I remember hearing that made me stop and think about what I was doing. Was I ready to give up on the man that I loved? No… no, I wasn’t. Those thoughts and words never came out of my mouth. I stayed inside that day and I watched him walk away…

 

 

“What Hurts The Most”

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m OK
But that’s not what gets me

 

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say (to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Rascal Flatts
*My thoughts, my feelings, my story and my opinions are my own. I don’t want to cause any trouble for my family members who are preachers and the ministries they have built. I love and respect them. It is not my desire to hurt anyone or the images they have made for themselves. That being said, I am not above or beneath anyone and I have a right to share my story just like anyone else.
Amazed By His Grace, 

Purple Rose

 

 Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Fourteen

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Twelve

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Eleven

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Ten

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Nine

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Eight

Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Seven

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9 thoughts on “Mr. Bodyguard ~ Part Thirteen

      • Purple Rose says:

        Yes, it sucks! 😔 This is exactly why I stay out of people’s business or rather keep my opinions to myself when listening to people share about a fight they had or something. I am always quick to give someone “the benefit of the doubt” and express how we should never jump to conclusions (my mind does it immediately 😂, I just don’t need to tell them that).

        Like my grandma used to say, “It will all come out in the wash.” I didn’t really believe that, but I found it to be very true in life!

        Even if someone is doing something wrong, ANY kind of wrong, I know for a fact that the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/child/parent may NOT want to know. Sometimes, people just want to live in “fantasyland” and I don’t think it is anyone’s place to burst their bubble. 😉 When it does “come out in the wash” it can be devastating and there are so many things I wish I didn’t know about people sometimes, but the truth is the truth.

        I was so scared by what my mother did to me, I actually asked Des point blank if I ever saw her husband with another woman, would she want me to tell her? She said, “No. I wouldn’t.” People should have a choice in life and whatever they decide, others should respect their choice and keep their mouth shut.

        Sometimes, knowing something and choosing to end relationship over it can cause more pain and suffering than letting the truth come out in its own time and trying to work on the problem instead of discarding a person you REALLY love.

        To me… people are not disposable.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Stuart L. Tutt says:

        You’re right, people are not disposable. And it really does come out in the wash. Everything is eventually brought to light. And it hurts.

        The only time I would say something is to thise few friends who have told me you better tell me if they are going wayward or the one they love.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Purple Rose says:

        Oh man, it’s hurts when the truth comes out. The biggest thing that I have a problem tolerating is a liar. I can handle anything if people tell me the truth. I don’t care what it is. It’s the lies I just can’t seem to get over. I never trust that person again.

        For me, I’ve learned that my respect is a necessity and should be freely given, but my trust has to be earned.

        Yes, definitely if someone tells you they “want/need to know” we should tell them. I think every person deserves the truth, the whole truth if they ask. No one should be lied to. Everyone deserves at least that much respect.

        Like

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