“I fell in love with the way you touched me without using your hands.”
As I adjusted to my new normal without Mr. Bodyguard , I tried to put the past behind me. I wasn’t planning on falling in love again anytime soon. I just did my job, went to church and stayed on my short leash. My older brother had worked at a company after we moved to this big city the year before. He had quit that job to come work with me and my parents in the business they had taken over. A friend of his from his former job came in frequently with a few of his friends and they would stay for hours. The first time I saw my brother’s friend, I was mesmerized. This man was extremely alluring. He looked like he could have just stepped off of Stryper’s tour bus. The way he walked, the way he dressed, everything about him screamed rock star. He had the best hair I have ever seen on a man. It was strawberry blond, very long and so soft. I have to admit, as a woman I got a little jealous. My hair never looked or felt that good even on my best day. His face was perfectly chiseled. I’m telling you, God may have spent a little too much time on that one. He was breathtaking.
Growing up, I had spent time hanging around inside music stores while my brothers looked at equipment. I was a little girl, but I enjoyed looking at all the musical instruments. Plus, the rocker dudes were pleasing to look at. Hello! When I got to be a little older, my brothers took me with them to concerts and I got my hands on their vinyl records and cassette tapes. I fell in love with groups/people like: Stryper, Petra, Russ Taff, Mylon Le Fevre, Carmen and Amy Grant. I loved hanging out with my older brothers and watching them jam. They were fantastic! Sometimes, they set up their equipment at home and it was like being at a rock concert right inside our house. I was VERY comfortable around guys like them. However, Mr. Fantasy was not a preacher’s son like my brothers. He was a musician like my brothers, but he didn’t play in Church. He played in a bar. He wasn’t a church organist and I’m sure he didn’t toss Bibles out into the crowd while playing in bars. He was like the guys I admired in the music stores. Time after time he had come in. He usually had friends with him. Pretty girls and a guy. I was never sure if the girls were his dates or just female friends. Whatever they were, they were sticking close to him and I would have loved to trade places with one of them. He was so nice and he had a sense of humor. He made me laugh. I would smile and admire him from afar. In my old bedroom, I had posters taped up of musicians like Michael Sweet from Stryper. My father wasn’t impressed, he was afraid I had ruined the beautiful wood finish hanging up my ridiculous posters (sorry dad). Mr. Fantasy was every bit as gorgeous as any of the guys on my wall.
I had no idea where Mr. Bodyguard was or if I would ever see him again. I was single now and for some reason, Mr. Fantasy asked me out. My older brother wasn’t too happy about me dating his friend. As fellow musicians, they had a lot in common, but he wasn’t thrilled about this friend dating his sister. He knew much more about him than I did. He knew he wasn’t a good christian man. Mr. Fantasy was nice, but he was also older than me. He was “in the world”, had a very bad habit, most likely had slept with several women and a complete opposite I am sure of what my brother thought I deserved. I had never told my brother the graphic details of my abusive relationship with Mr. Godfather. As far as I knew, he had no idea how “not innocent” his little sister was. I knew I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t looking for another Mr. Perfect either. I wasn’t that concerned I guess about Mr. Fantasy’s intimate history. Maybe, it was easier to see myself with a sinner like him and not feel judged. He didn’t look at me with disapproval and there was no expectation of who I should have been. He could love and accept me just the way I was, and I could do the same for him. I could also look beyond his rocker “bad boy” image and see his gentle heart.
“When you feel more loved and accepted by sinners than other Christians… the Church has a problem.”
I was seriously in awe of him anytime he graced us with his presence. I was about to turn 18 and I REALLY wanted to go out with him. I was shocked he liked me. I was so infatuated with him. I loved everything about him. I had admired him for so long. I was always shy and felt like a starstruck teenage girl anytime he had come into my work. After awhile, I began to get a little less shy around him. Just sitting next to him in his truck was amazing. It was like I was dreaming, but I had no idea how long it would last. If it was all a dream… I definitely did not want to wake up.
We got along very well. He even liked hanging out with me and my brothers. When the 4 of us were together, it was pretty perfect. He wanted me to come see him play at the bar, but I wasn’t allowed to go to bars. I never got to hear him play. We didn’t hang out with his friends either. It was usually just the two of us. He introduced me to his parents and sister. They were all nice to me. His parents were not together anymore. His father rode a motorcycle and was so cool. His mother was sweet and kind. Soon, Mr. Fantasy, his mother and his sister were all coming to Church. It was great! Our chemistry was crazy and still, out of all the guys I have ever dated, I do believe he was the most respectful gentleman. No joke. For instance, he needed to stop by his place one day when I was with him and we went inside. We were completely alone and nothing bad happened. He treated me with so much respect. I could trust him. We didn’t stay long. That was probably a good thing because, making love to him would have been an amazing fantasy fulfilled. It would have also been an easy commandment to break. Since we weren’t married, I would have regretted it immediately.
I loved kissing him. I loved the way he cradled my face in his hands, looked into my eyes and said, “You’re beautiful.” That is as far as I ever remember him going. He never made me do anything that went against my convictions. He was so good to me.
At first, I didn’t know if he wanted to date me just for fun. I wasn’t sure of his intentions. The more time we spent together, the more I fell for him. My family and I gave him a Bible for his birthday. He seemed touched and genuinely thankful. I was so happy with him. He treated me better than any man ever had. We began to get serious. I fell in love with him. I hated to be away from him. I missed him whenever he wasn’t with me. He was just as alluring on the inside as he was on the outside. He began to talk about marriage. He even approached my mother about it and I think he was trying to see if he had any chance at all of winning over my father. That was not going to happen. My father would never approve. My eighteenth birthday was coming up and my mother wanted to know what I wanted to do. I never asked for big parties, usually we just had some cake and ice cream or something after church. This time though, I wanted to have an actual party and invite my friends. I was much more social now and out of my dark pit. I was so happy, I even sent an invitation to Mr. Bodyguard and his family. I hadn’t seen any of them for maybe 3 months, but they had been like family to me and I wanted them to be there. I had no idea if any of them would show up. Especially Mr. Bodyguard. Either way, they would know that I thought of them and they were always welcome to come have fellowship with us. The day of my party, I was busy getting ready when I saw Mr. Fantasy come walking in with a dozen red roses. It was a beautiful scene, him as gorgeous as a famous rock star walking in with this huge display of love. I was in awe. Little did I know, Mr. Bodyguard was in the parking lot and about to come in right behind him…
Amazed By His Grace,