“I thought you were healing me but no, you broke me even more.”
Mr. Bodyguard and I spent quite a bit of time together. I loved being his girl. We were perfect together. He had saved me from the dark pit I had sunk into after being abused by my Ex-Fiancé. I was functioning very well in my daily life. I was happy and hopeful. My new boyfriend got along with my big brothers and my parents liked him. I had new friends (Mr. Bodyguard’s family) and I loved spending as much time as I could with them. Everything was looking up for once. I began to get back my self-respect. I learned to be resilient. My past no longer defined me. I was healing. Mr. Bodyguard was the best gift God could have sent to help me do so. I learned that not “all” men were jerks. Mr. Bodyguard had done the impossible, he had finally earned my trust. I trusted him completely. I loved him… I really loved him.
After around three months, something happened. It was baseball day, I got ready, went in the living room, sat down on the couch and looked out the window like I always did. Usually, I could see his sports car coming down the street and I would jump up to go meet him. This day, I waited and I waited, no Mr. Bodyguard. I didn’t understand why he never showed up. I was so disappointed. I had no idea why he decided not to pick me up that day. Everything seemed fine. We made each other happy. We had MAGIC. Lots of it. We also had certain boundaries we did not cross. We had respect for each other. We were going to Church and this relationship was different from the last. Him not showing up and not even calling me made no sense at all. I don’t remember anything going wrong the last time I was with him. What had I done? I had no clue. The days following, there were no phone calls and no visits from him. This was unusual, but I was so busy with work I just kinda let it go. The next baseball day, I did the same thing. I got all ready to go and I sat there on the couch like a puppy looking out the window for my boyfriend. I missed him terribly. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t picked me up the last time or why he wasn’t calling me. I waited and waited until I finally realized, he wasn’t coming. I felt like such a fool.
He never called or came to see me. He just vanished.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” ~
I’m not one to chase after a man. I don’t compete with other women for a man either. If a man wants to be with me, he will be with me. If he wants someone else, I will love him enough to let him go even when it almost kills me to do so. That’s just how I’m built. I was completely crushed that Mr. Bodyguard had vanished. I missed everything about him. I had no idea where he was or why he didn’t call. Weeks went by… nothing. I was heartbroken that he left me with no explanation. The strange thing was, I was so much stronger mentally than when I met him. I wasn’t in a dark pit anymore. It was like he had helped me cross a bridge, a very long bridge. Even without him there, I wanted to live. I wanted to love and be loved. He had shown me that I could be loved and cherished by a man. I wasn’t worthless and I wasn’t damaged beyond repair. I felt like I was worthy of love and I had a lot of love to give. I’m so thankful that Mr. Bodyguard had been there for me in my darkest days. He saved me. I am eternally grateful to him for saving my life…
This one is for you Mr. Bodyguard…
“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” ~
Amazed By His Grace,