“And then suddenly, you meet that one person that makes you forget about yesterday and dream about tomorrow.”
After the night Mr. Bodyguard had so boldly looked into my eyes and made it crystal clear that he would protect me from my very abusive Ex (Mr. Godfather), I agreed to go out on a date with him. He picked me up from work (I practically lived there) and he took me to a pizza place for dinner. We laughed and talked. It was the first time I had got to go do something fun since my break up. Meeting Mr. Bodyguard and falling in love was something I never expected. He made me laugh more than anyone. He was so handsome and strong. He was very smart. He had street smarts and was always seeing the things I didn’t. He was aware of everyone and everything going on around him. I felt safe with him.
Mr. Bodyguard would stop in to see me sometimes before he went to work. I loved seeing him in his uniform. He looked so much like the kind Police officers who had saved me from Mr. Godfather . That made him even more attractive to me. I respected him for the work he did. When he wasn’t in uniform, he had his pistol on his side and his badge in plain sight quite a bit. I loved the way his gun looked up against his jeans, holstered on his belt with his shiny badge next to it. Between the armed guard at my work and Mr. Bodyguard, I had nothing to worry about now. I slowly began to relax.
He was driving a regular family car at first. It was his parents. He actually had his own car, but I didn’t know anything about it. One night, he had something in my work parking lot that he wanted me to see. I walked outside and he showed me his pride and joy. His car was a gorgeous Camaro. He had worked very hard for that car and he was so proud of it. He must have felt like he could trust me now. If I had seen his car first, I could have been one of those girls that just liked a guy for what he had. That wasn’t me though, I was in love with him for him. He was such a cool guy. The car was just a nice little bonus. I was very impressed. I loved it when he took the t-tops off and took me for rides. I could ride forever next to him. There was no place I would rather be than in that car, holding his hand and looking at the stars while listening to music.
Mr. Bodyguard was on a church baseball team with some of his family members and he invited me to come watch. I really enjoyed meeting his family and being around his parents anytime I could. His oldest sister was a good Christian woman. She was so kind to me. Her husband and Mr. Bodyguard were good friends. We liked to hang out together and we all got along very well. Every baseball day, I would get ready and wait for him to pick me up. I looked forward to going and sitting on the bleachers. I loved watching him play baseball and I enjoyed the fellowship with his family. I loved them all. They were such a good reminder of how Godly people love each other and how they should act. They quickly became like family to me.
Sitting on the bleachers, I would look out across the sky and feel the wind blowing my hair. I looked down at my clothes and I realized I was dressing pretty dark. My depressive state had overcome the light that I had felt in California. My parents had been keeping me on a short leash between work and church, they didn’t seem to know I needed encouragement rather than disapproval. I felt damaged. I would never live down what had happened. I must have fell back into my old habits, dark clothes, black boots, dark eye makeup, deep burgundy red lipstick and red nails. My mind raced back to memories of the things that had happened while I was with Mr. Godfather . What he made me do fell heavy on me like a ton of bricks. I tried to breathe, but there he was, still in my head. As I watched Mr. Bodyguard playing baseball, I suddenly felt like I wasn’t worthy of him. His family was so wonderful and nice to me. I started to feel like I didn’t deserve him or his family. Mr. Godfather had taken everything from me. I never should have dated him. I was so young and naive. I should have run away and gone back home to Mr. Perfect . It was too late, I was just a worthless soul now. I could see it in the eyes and faces of my family. I had made ONE mistake, I had trusted the wrong man and they didn’t know how to help me. They didn’t understand… no one did. I wasn’t the good Christian girl I once was. I wasn’t the perfect little preacher’s daughter I was raised to be. How would I ever move beyond the choices I had made? I had NOTHING to offer my first love Mr. Perfect and I had nothing to offer my new boyfriend Mr. Bodyguard. They could surely do much better than the piece of trash I had let my Ex turn me into.
The more we talked, the more apparent it was that Mr. Bodyguard didn’t care about my past. Nothing scared him off. I didn’t tell him all of the graphic details of what had happened to me and he never asked. Mr. Bodyguard wasn’t perfect, he most likely had been somewhat of a bad boy. He was definitely a risk taker. I didn’t know his whole story and it didn’t matter. I was no one to be judging anyone. I was just amazed that he wanted to be with me. He made me feel like nothing that had happened to me mattered. He was only focused on the present. He treated me like I was worth everything. I felt like I had something of value to give him and that was something I hadn’t felt for a while. Being around him really affected me. I started to change. I found myself becoming a new version of my old self, the girl I was with Mr. Perfect. I was only some months older than that girl, but I was so much wiser.
And he that sat upon the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And he said unto me, “Write: for these words are true and faithful.” ~ Revelation 21:5
When Mr. Bodyguard kissed me, he made the past and all of my bad choices disappear. When he held me tight in his arms, I felt safe and secure. His love was a gift from God that I never saw coming. I didn’t deserve it. No matter what I said or what I did, he was persistent. Before him I didn’t know if I could love another man again, let alone love myself. But, his love reached beyond my bitterness towards men. His love reached beyond my negative self-talk. He treated me like I had done nothing wrong because he saw the girl concealed by darkness and cut right through it. His love shut out everything and I began to come back from my grave…
Mr. Bodyguard pulled me out of my dark place. I actually wanted to live. He saved me.
Amazed By His Grace,