“There is no safe way to remain in a relationship with a person who has no conscience. The only solution is to escape.”
While I was away from Mr. Godfather that week, something happened. Without his voice in my ear, I began to think for myself and make my own decisions. I had total control over everything I did, everything I wore, everything I bought, and everything I saw. I felt free to express myself. I had a blast with my grandma and step-grandpa. It was so much fun. I didn’t talk about anything that had happened, I just enjoyed being there with them. I loved my grandma. She was strong and fierce. She was the most amazing woman and I wanted to be like her. She always pushed me to LIVE and never back down. I am here today because of her.
We went to all kinds of places and we saw so many things on our trip. I realized there was life outside the world I had been in for so long. I could finally hear my own voice. I wanted to be the girl I once was. I knew that wasn’t possible, I could only be a version of my former self. No amount of hot showers or sweet-smelling soap could wash away the horrible things that I had been forced to do. Mr. Godfather couldn’t give back what he had stolen, but I could choose to never let him touch me again. He was never going to change. I had a choice, I did not have to stay with him. There was no legal paper and he had no right to lay his hands on me. He had no right to decide when and where my life would end.
I began to change drastically. I had started off wearing Mr. Godfather’s sweatshirt on the trip and by the end, I was wearing new clothes that looked NOTHING like what I had worn before. That wasn’t all, before I came home, I went to a salon and got a completely different hairstyle. I don’t know if my fiance would have recognized me right off. At some point, I realized that I could have a very different life. I didn’t have to marry a monster. I decided that I would risk it all and tell my parents about some of what Mr. Godfather had done to me. I would never tell them everything, just what they needed to know about him threatening me and running the knife across my wrist. Everything else I would keep to myself. I was going to protect him and not destroy him. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. I just wanted him to leave me alone.
Walking around San Diego, I loved looking at the big buildings and yachts. I climbed up on the wall and sat there looking out over the water. It was beautiful and I couldn’t get enough of this beautiful place. As I walked out onto the pier, I stretched my arms out and felt the wind blowing. My grandma took pictures of me…
It was as if I was letting go of the bad that had happened and embracing the beauty of God’s amazing world. If only I could accept His amazing grace.
As soon as I returned home, I gathered up enough courage to tell my parents some of what he had done. That was enough, they immediately took action. They weren’t going to let me anywhere near him again and they brought the authorities in. Again, I only told them some of what had happened.
They talked mostly with my parents and I was told that one of the officers or detectives had made the comment that they usually put girls like me in body bags.
I was instructed how to handle him. I was to break up with him over the phone. I was to make it crystal clear that I did not want to see him again and our relationship was over. Once I did that, the police would help me if and when he ever decided to come after me. Best case scenario, he wouldn’t want any trouble with the police or to be locked up again and he would just move on. They just had to make sure that he never got me alone. The first phone call, I heard his voice and he sounded happy I was back. He wanted to come see me. But, I somehow managed to keep that from happening. I hid out at my grandma’s for a little while as the authorities gathered information. I needed to get my stuff from his parents’ house while he wasn’t there. Then, I was to break up with him over the phone. I would’ve left my stuff there, but my mother pushed the point. Supposedly, he had gotten an actual job working for someone and he would be at work.
My grandma and step-grandpa took me over to his parent’s house at night while he was gone. My grandma went with me to the door and his father let us in with the understanding that I just needed to get a church dress out of Mr. Godfather’s room. My grandma stayed and chatted with his father while I ran back to the bedroom and quickly found my things, removing all trace of my existence. It was a heart pounding experience as I didn’t know if I would get caught. He could come home any second and catch me. I could not be near him. He would most likely kill me. I was to do this, get out, and break up with him over the phone. I was not allowed to see him. He could not be in a position to get his hands on me when I ended this relationship. It was gonna be bad, but the police would help me if and when he went off the deep end.
As I was about to walk out of his room, I stopped. This was it, I would never be in this room or with him ever again. I would never be forced to do anything with him ever again. Dead or alive, I would be free. So many things had happened to me in that room and yet, I couldn’t walk out with everything. I don’t know why. I was to leave NOTHING there that belonged to me. I walked over to his nightstand and placed a photo of the two of us on it. I think it was taken right before he had shown his true colors. We were both smiling in it and it was one of my favorite pictures. I refused to just walk out of his life and leave him with nothing. Maybe it was because that might have looked like he meant nothing to me, that our relationship had meant nothing to me, that the night he had so elegantly proposed at the church meant nothing, and that all of his attention to detail meant nothing. Perhaps it was a soul tie that I wasn’t ready to break. The only thing I know is that despite everything he did, I still loved him. God help me… I loved that man.
Back at work, I did just as I was told and I broke up with him over the phone. He didn’t take it well at all. It was so awful. He didn’t understand, he hadn’t even got to see me at all and this was so unlike me to stand up to him. My behavior was unacceptable. I wasn’t allowed to leave him… ever. He had made that very clear. He was livid. I had to do it though, I was ready to finally stand up to him and be free. One way or another, in life or in death… I would be free from his horrible abuse. After the call, I was scared he was going to leave work and come for me. I was freaking out. I remember my father calling Mr. Godfather’s job and asking if he was there. Nope, he had left. It was late at night and I was getting ready to leave work. Everyone had left except my family. My parents were getting me out of there and taking me home. We had no idea where Mr. Godfather was. Just as we were getting ready to walk outside to get in the car, I saw his car’s headlights as he came flying straight through the parking lot…
*I was honestly afraid to include my pictures, but I decided to because they captured something that I just can’t put into words. Plus, Dollfaced Writer talked me into it.
Amazed By His Grace,