“The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.”
I honestly don’t remember being alone with Mr. Godfather after that night. I was under age and legally he couldn’t overrule my parents. I wasn’t allowed to have a driver’s license because I was a girl and my parents never let me stay home alone. I was always with my family at work and church. I would be on a very short leash until my wedding day. I wasn’t leaving him, I was just obeying my parents wishes. They didn’t like us being together and if they could change my mind, they would. If only they had known what he had done to their daughter and that he threatened to kill her if she ever tried to leave him. If I told them, they would have made me break up with him and I knew he would come for me. No one would stop him, no lock, no door… nothing. I could either be with him or I could be dead. There was no third option. Telling my parents everything was a death sentence. This leash was just a little delay, he would have me all to himself soon if I kept my mouth shut.
*Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash
He just had to go by the rules until the wedding. I think he may have been afraid he was losing me though. Now that we couldn’t be alone together, he had lost some control. At one point, he had enough. No one would control him. He came into my work with his friend and had a little meeting. I sat down at the table with him and listened as he laid out the plans. He had the whole thing lined up. He was going to leave the state and find us a place to live. Then, his main friend would come for me. I was to sneak out of work one night when it was super busy, go with his friend to my house, his friend would get me inside somehow (since I didn’t have a house key) and we would get my things. Then, he would drive me all the way to Mr. Godfather. My parents would think I just ran away. This was perfect because it correlated with all of my odd behavior. By the time anyone tracked me down, it would be too late. I would be an adult and legally married. Problem was, I didn’t want to run away.
Thankfully my grandmother (my mother’s mom), whom I had spent lots of time with as a child, happened to be getting ready for a trip. She along with my step-grandpa and some other family members were going on a road trip in an RV to visit family. Once they got there, my grandparents were going to borrow a car and drive out to California to visit my grandma’s sister. My grandmother really wanted me to go with them. Growing up, I traveled a lot with my family when my father preached at many different churches. I enjoyed visiting new places and since we had moved to the city, I hadn’t been anywhere. We had to be there to run the business 7 days a week and they were trying to build their new church. I had never been to California and I LOVED spending time with my grandma. I wanted to go so bad. This would be my last chance to spend time with her and getting away from everything would be nice. My father agreed to let me go and take the time off of work. I was so excited, but I don’t remember telling Mr. Godfather about it right off. I think I waited until I had to tell him. It was just a short trip with family. No matter what I said, he was enraged. He came to my work as we were getting ready to leave. He came busting in with his friend and it was too late. I was packed and determined to go. I HAD to do this. If he made me run away soon, I needed to spend this time with my grandma.
My family was saying goodbye and he wanted to talk to me. We sat down far enough away from people where we could have privacy but still be seen. With our backs towards everyone, he laid into me. He couldn’t change my mind and he decided to tear me apart verbally. He knew exactly how to make me feel special and he knew how to hurt me like no one else could. It was as if he was in my head, reading my mind. His words stung like fire as he quickly destroyed every ounce of self-confidence he had given me. I kept my composure and stared straight ahead. I couldn’t understand why he was so mad. I wasn’t calling off the engagement, I wasn’t leaving him for good… I just wanted to spend a little time with family before I married him. Maybe not being alone with him was beginning to affect me. Still, I had no intention of leaving him. I was his 100% no matter what he did. Why couldn’t he understand that? He himself had recently returned from a “business trip” with his male entourage. I have no idea where they went or what all they did. Why couldn’t I have the same freedom? Why was he so selfish? What was he afraid of? For the first time, I was taking a little bit of power over my life back. Maybe he knew he was losing me.
It was just a road trip, one road trip and I would be right back. As the horrible things he said were still lingering in the air, I got up and said my goodbyes. He couldn’t bully me this time, I was surrounded by people who loved me and he was slowly losing his grip.
*Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
This time, it was I who would not be controlled. The worse he was, the more I needed to get the heck away from him for a while. I made my escape from his psychological murder and climbed aboard. He and his friend watched us leave. I’ll never forget the look on his face and how he acted. I might have had Hell to pay when I returned, however, at this point I was willing to risk that. It was shocking he didn’t pull a knife or try to kidnap me right then. Someone had finally outsmart him and pulled me from his clutches for an entire week.
We didn’t have cell phones back then and he had no way to contact me. For the first time in months, his voice was completely silenced and I could finally hear my own…
*Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
Amazed By His Grace,