After Mr. Perfect and I broke-up, my life fell apart. I couldn’t bring myself to pack up Mr. Perfect’s things he had giving me, like his high school letter jacket, the one he was wearing the first time I laid eyes on him. It was just so hard to let him go. Was it really over? He was the only person who ever made me feel unconditionally loved and I knew I would never find another Mr. Perfect. He was just… perfect. Starting with his looks, I loved his dark hair… perfectly parted and feathered (early 90’s). His eyes… I could get lost forever in those eyes. They saw me, the real me. His lips… his lips gave the best kisses in the world. His strong arms… wrapped around me, I felt 100% protected and loved. His hands… strong, but gentle. He never used them to harm me. His words… always built me up and used to make me feel loved and beautiful. He never tore me down or abused me with his words. His mind… brilliant. His heart… good and kind. His strength… used to stand up for what he believed in and he could take care of business. His Faith… son of a Preacher with morals and values same as mine. His love for his family… ALWAYS there for his family. He was a REAL man in EVERY way. There was no man who could hold a candle to him. He was one in a million… no, he was one in a lifetime.
He understood me and I understood him. We were perfect for each other. I probably never told him any of this. Funny how we just take people for granted and think all of these things inside our heads, but they don’t always make it out our mouths. I actually let this man think that I could live without him. Instead, I should have said, “I know it will be 12 long lonely months, but as soon as I turn 18, I’m gonna pack me a bag and get on a greyhound bus. I’m gonna work my tail off to save up as much as I can and then I’m coming home to you. We can get married as soon as I get there. You get us an apartment and I will to turn it into a home. I promise every day that I will make you happy to see me and sad to leave me. If you can just hold on for 12 more months, I promise you right now that I will love, honor and respect you for the rest of my life. I refuse to live without you. There is no life without you.” Yeah, something like that anyways. I should have gone with that.
I was working for my parents in their business 7 days a week and helping them start a new church. I was always around people… my family, customers, church members and friends. Work kept me busy and I managed to pull myself together somehow. I learned as much as I could from my mentor to be the best at what I did. I always got dressed up for Church and did whatever I was told. I loved my parents and I respected them. They always told me what to do, so wouldn’t they tell me if I was making the biggest mistake of my life by choosing them and our Church over him? There was no way they would have let me go home to him. I knew where they stood and I would always choose them over a man. They thought I was too young and that I was supposed to help them build their dream. My world always revolved around everyone else, my feelings and dreams didn’t matter. My family thought I was just very young and that going back to him or rather going back to that small town would have been stupid. They had no idea he was the best man on earth. As a parent now myself, I can understand them not wanting me to go home. I can understand them not wanting me to throw my life away. They didn’t know how awesome Mr. Perfect was. They had no idea what would happen if I stayed with them. They had no idea that taking me away from this Godly man would destroy me and I could possibly hand myself over to Satan. My heart was shattered, my dreams torn from my hands and the only man I wanted to give everything to was 16 hours away. I would never see him again. My heart was broken and I would never love a man the way I loved him.
I got a call one day from Mr. Perfect’s sister, the one who had so loving sat beside me in the hospital until my brothers arrived. She was not happy with me. Who could blame her? I broke her brother’s heart. I broke a promise. I moved away… I changed the plan. I couldn’t come back. She demanded I return her brother’s letter jacket. I wish it was him calling to say he couldn’t live without me, but that call never came. Eventually, I accepted my fate… a life without the man I loved. I wonder now, if he had known that my parents were going to up and move like that… would he have proposed to me? Would he of tried to do this crazy long distance romance? I doubt it. I packed up his things and sent them to him. I knew I would never have the life I wanted. I gave up on ever finding another “one” or another “soul mate”. I just knew I had already met the love of my life, my soul mate… the one. Since I couldn’t be with him, I had nothing to look forward to.
My family was very social and through the business, we met LOTS of people in the big city. My Father made friends with several Pastors. There were so many Churches in this big city. There were also plenty of youth groups and young men from the Churches. I’m sure my parents thought I would have no trouble meeting a nice guy. I became friends with a very nice girl and she was around my age. She had a driver’s license. I wasn’t allowed to have one because I was, “a girl and shouldn’t be driving anywhere alone.” My Father was just trying to protect me. Having two older brothers, I depended on them to let me tag along whenever I could. My Father was right though, I should never have been allowed to be alone. Anyways, she lived in a town outside of the city. Her family had started coming to our Church and I decided to go home with her after Church one Sunday. This wasn’t something I usually did. Usually, I went to work, but I was trying to go on with whatever life I could have now and she seemed like a good Christian girl. My friend’s parents were really nice people and my parents let me off work to go that Sunday. After we got to her house, she showed me her room and we talked for a while. Then, she wanted to take me to go meet a new friend of hers who wasn’t feeling well. She had just moved there, was our age and her Father was a Minister who had come in from another state to Pastor a Church there. I wasn’t too familiar with this town, but I was up for making another new friend and keeping myself busy. So, I agreed to go with her.
We arrived at the new Pastor’s home. Went inside and there was this beautiful girl who was sweet, but also tough. There was something different about her. She wasn’t so innocent looking if you know what I mean. It was like… she was 17 going on 30 or something. We got along very well and as we were talking, it was getting later and I was still in my Church clothes. This girl was about the same size and she offered me a pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt to change into. I went to the bathroom and pulled on these skin-tight jeans she gave me and the sweatshirt. Those blue jeans were so tight! Since it was just us girls hanging out, no big deal. Actually, I really liked them. And I loved the big sweatshirt. I came out and sat down in her room to continue our chat. And that’s when it happened, there were loud man voices coming from the living room and now entering her room. As I looked over towards the door, there he was, the man who would change who I was forever…
(This one is for you Mr. Perfect. If I could go back to December, I would and change my whole life to be with you)
Amazed By His Grace,
Did you miss the beginning of my love story? Here it is…